Exercise
3
Model
Paragraph #1 vvvvv
1 Harriet
Beecher Stowe believed that a special place in
heaven should be reserved for domestic saints
such as Aunt Esther due to their selfless hard
work and devotion to others.
2 Writing
at a time when the family was considered our
closest contact with heaven, Stowe described her
unmarried aunt as a prime example of someone who
deserved special recognition for her
accomplishments. 3 Saint
Esther, as Stowe referred to her aunt,
cheerfully gave her life to others.
4 As
a beautiful young woman courted by many
prominent men, she had not been either selfless
or hardworking. 5 Instead,
she had attended many parties and had traveled
widely in her twenties.
6 As
she grew older, however, she cared for children,
nursed the sick, and gave her time an energy to
others without complaint.
7 Like
every woman in the nineteenth century, Esther
also helped produce nearly everything her large,
extended family needed: spinning, weaving,
sewing, gardening, butchering, making soap and
candles, preserving fruits, vegetables, and
meats, churning butter, making cheese,
housecleaning, laundering and ironing.
8 In
addition, she served as a teacher, doctor and
midwife.
1. In Model Paragraph
#1, find the topic sentence, the sentence which states the
main point of the paragraph.
Type the number of the
topic sentence
reason
2. Model Paragraph #1,
there are two sentences which do not stick to the main point
as stated in the topic sentence .
In the spaces below,
type the numbers of the items which do not stick to the main
point.
reason
3.Sentences
4
and 5
from Model Paragraph #1 have been combined and rewritten two
ways:
Version
1: Even though she
had not been selfless or hardworking when she was a
beautiful young woman who enjoyed the attention of many
prominent men, traveled to Europe and attended many parties,
Aunt Esther soon began to show the devotion to others that
made her remarkable.
Version 2:
Aunt Esther had
been a beautiful young woman courted by many prominent men,
had traveled to Europe and had attended many parties, but
she had not been either selfless or hardworking.
In the box below, type
the number of the version which relates most closely to the
topic of the paragraph.
reason
Model
Paragraph #2
vvvvv 1 Last
summer, when I began my job as a sales rep for
Steele's Concrete Supply, I was required to
undergo a very boring, extensive training
program, which included vacuuming pick-up
trucks, washing cement mixers, assisting the
accountant with the General Ledger, answering
the phone, and learning about taking inventory.
2 Of
course, there were no raises during the training
program, and I spent hours acquiring skills for
jobs I would never have to perform.
3 This
did convey, however, how a company is run,
knowledge which I will use in the future since I
plan to open my own business as soon as I earn
my MBA. 4 First,
however, I must finish my undergraduate
education and take the graduate school exams.
5 After
the training program, when I was assigned to the
loading dock, I wasn't allowed to work with
invoices and shipping orders, which were
activities I was very interested in learning
more about. 6 Instead,
I spent my time unloading heavy bags of cement
from the beds of delivery trucks.
7 Since
I worked directly in the sun and seldom wore a
shirt due to the summer heat, I attained a
beautiful tan, an unexpected benefit of the job.
8 I
also built up my muscles, and I impressed many
women with my improved physique.
9 Once
I unloaded the trucks, I stacked the merchandise
in the dark, spider-infested warehouse, another
part of the job I hadn't anticipated.
10 Finally,
after receiving my sales training from an older,
more experienced sales rep, with only a month
left before school began, the job improved; I
was able to begin seeking orders for driveway
and patio paving jobs, which I enjoyed.
11 This
summer job was quite disappointing.
4. In Model Paragraph
#2, find the topic sentence, the sentence which states the
main point of the paragraph.
Type the number of the
topic sentence
reason
5. Model Paragraph #2,
there are five sentences which do not stick to the main
point as stated in the topic sentence .
In the spaces below,
type the numbers of the items which do not stick to the main
point.
reason
6.Sentence
3
from Model Paragraph #2 has been rewritten two
ways:
Version
1: Although the
orientation did convey some information about how a company
is run, knowledge which I will use after I earn my MBA and
open my own business, the training was too long and
tedious.
Version 2:
The training,
which was a little long and tedious, was valuable because it
taught me how a company is run, knowledge which I will use
after I earn my MBA and open my own business.
In the box below, type
the number of the version which relates most closely to the
topic of the paragraph.
reason
7.Sentence
8
from Model Paragraph #1 has been rewritten two
ways:
Version
1:
Even though I was
a little nervous about the possibility of future skin
cancer, I built up my muscles and impressed some women with
my improved physique.
Version 2:
Despite the fact
that I built up my muscles and impressed some women with my
improved physique, I was disturbed by the end of the summer
because I knew the damage from the sun might cause skin
cancer later on.
In the box below, type
the number of the version which relates most closely to the
topic of the paragraph.
reason