What Should Mazie Do?
Here's what might happen if Mazie decides to try to find out why John missed the lecture and didn't prepare for the tutoring session.
- Mazie:
- Wait. Before we start. I'm wondering about something. You've told me that doing well in chem is very important to you, and I don't recall you ever missing a lecture before. Also, you've always done your homework on your own before coming to tutoring, which was our agreement. So, now I'm wondering what the reasons are for this change in your usual way of doing things?
Normally a tutor doesn't need to inquire about the reasons a student misses a lecture or an assignment. Doing so puts the tutor in the position of parent and doesn't let the student learn about taking responsibility for his or her own learning.
In this instance, however, Mazie recognizes that missing a chem lecture and not coming prepared to tutoring is not John's style, and she decides to inquire about it.
Notice that Mazie does not guess ("I'll bet you partied too much on Sunday night, huh?") or accuse ("I thought this was important to you. How could you miss class when something as important as equilibrium is the topic?!?").
Instead, she offers "sense data" -- what she sees (not coming to tutoring prepared) and what she heard him say (wanting to do well in chemistry) -- as the prelude to her inquiry.
Notice also that she uses an open question to inquire about John's situation rather than a You-statement (Why are you screwing up?").
John may not wish to tell Mazie anything, or he may feel relieved at being able to tell someone about some non-academic issues that underlie the change in his usual academic behavior. In either case, Mazie has demonstrated caring for John's success as a student, which strengthens the tutoring relationship.
If John were to accept Mazie's invitation to talk about a non-academic problem, she could use active listening and possibly help him solve his problems so he could attend to school work.
